"fear"

If you read my other blog, you know that I write and post poetry from time to time. There are a few poems that I wrote during the earlier days of my relationship with MTL that I never felt comfortable posting over on D and D. But as I look back at them, I think they may have a place here. I'll be posting them over the next few days.

This first one was the first poem I ever wrote for MTL--and the first poem he'd ever had written for him (that he knows of, at least). Less than a month after we first met, I already knew that he was Trouble for me, if I wanted to keep my heart unattached. Realistically? It was already too late.

Boy, am I glad.

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"fear"

you frighten me
to the core
your eyes see more
than i intend to show
strip away my defenses
peel back my armor
crumble the mortar of my walls
and all with such gentleness
that i scarcely feel it happen

i am naked
in more than body
and find myself yearning
to climb within your arms
rest against your chest
and let your heartbeat soothe my mind

i want to trust you
but hold back
unsure despite your words
for you are something new
and though what i've known
has failed me time and again
still
it's easier to stay with the familiar
i am uncertain
if i can take the risk of the unknown

although

when you look at me
i find myself opening
and i wonder
if perhaps i have the courage after all